Grief is non negotiable
G-R-I-E-F
That pervading pain which finds no escape. That heavy air which fills the room. It refuses to let up. You casually chat with well wishers, pretending it doesn’t exist.
That sudden flash of startling memory in the midst of an all important work meeting. That unacknowledged undertone in innocuous conversations about the weather. That internal void which can’t be filled, no matter how crowded the external space is. That dark shadow which constantly stands behind you- even on supposedly joyous occasions.
Of the 7 stages of grief, the fifth one is the turning point. After the brain gets worn out, your instinct to survive, which is hardcoded in your biology, kicks and screams to break free. From the depths of reflection, starts the upward spiral. Time heals all wounds is an oft quoted adage. However, time, by itself, is inconsequential. Doing things changes things. Not doing anything leaves everything the way it was. So, you start doing. Doing all that’s been proven to help. You eat right. You exercise. You meditate. You read. You seek actual help.
You bargain with yourself on humanitarian grounds. What right do you have to feel this way when there are others less fortunate? What about your responsibilities? Why not make your time mean something? You fight. Fight hard to reconstruct. While one part of your brain is ready to give up any moment. What is ‘meaning’ anyways? Why bother? You struggle. While drowning, you break the surface to gasp for breath. Again. And again. Till the upward spiral becomes stronger than the downward pull.
And… then comes the acceptance. With acceptance comes the desire to move past. What choice do you really have? Other than to put one foot in front of the other. To engage with reality and see where it takes you. Accepting that it is meaningless can be liberating and depressing at the same time. Pick your mindset. Rest will follow. Yes, grief still knocks. Sometimes, with an intensity to break it all down. The rational brain looks for a solution. But, sometimes, the only solution to the problem is to let it fester. Fester so far and deep that it runs out of space. The only way out of this pain is through it.
And then, when you are sure of having ‘dealt’ with it, it will creep up in the eyes. That’s the thing with grief. It never really goes away.
“Let me fall if I must fall. The one I become will catch me.” Slowly,”― Sheryl Sandberg, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy
